Symbolic Meanings Blog by Avia Venefica

Symbolic Misfits and Six Years Sober

Written by avenefica on August 30th, 2010

Avia shares thoughts on sobriety

Today marks my sixth year of sobriety.

It’s rare for me to divulge intensely private details, but something Dr. Jonathan Ellerby said on one of his videos prompted me to share.

He mentioned that while on his metaphysical path, he wished some of the spiritual guru’s of the day would have spoken out more about the hard-core challenges they’d endured in life and how they moved through these experiences.

I agree, and although this post may not offer the most clarifying solutions – it may provide something of a catharsis.

Like everybody else in this world, I’m no greenhorn to the dusty challenges kicked up in life’s rodeo, and I’m certainly not the only one to wrangle addiction.

It would be nice to say alcoholism is the only snafu with which I’ve had to contend. Nope. I’m an overachiever – especially concerning addictions. There’s a whole laundry list….including chain-smoking, a particularly nasty drug habit and an overindulgent love for food that manifested into a 258 pound weight gain (if you don’t believe me, I’ve got before and after pics here).

So what’s my take on dealing with addictions? How can we counteract self-destructive behavior?

Regrettably, I don’t really have the greatest answers to those questions. This year was unbelievably brutal in my 6 year run at sobriety. I lost my mother-in-law, a dear mentor, and a very good friend in the span of 3 months this year. It’s been crippling, and the need for escape has been overwhelming at times.

Truthfully, I haven’t picked up a drink because I’m petrified- scared poopless – that once I open that can of worms, there’s no undoing the squirmy consequences. That same fear drives my abstinence from all the other addictions too (ok, so I might have an occassional cigarette…hey, nobody’s perfect). I suppose that’s what the coined term “healthy fear” is all about.

But I can share a more practical solution – at least for me: The realm of symbolism has been a real life-saver.

Where reflecting on my motivations and past history has failed to give adequate reasons for my compulsions – symbolism has answered in spades.

Thankfully, I’ve always been a symbolic-junkie first, and reverting back to that foundation has proven to be a counter-balance to other junkie-fiendy tendencies.

In fact, I think addictions are symbolic. They represent a sense of feeling incomplete, and a need to escape that sense of vacancy. Symbolism has helped me view my addictions as symbolic personalities…archetypes, if you will.

So, my compulsions take on character traits….similar to how Colette Baron-Reid likens grabby aspects of our darker selves as “The Goblin.” Although, this imagery didn’t really work for me – I happen to love goblins.

Rather, my alcoholism is more like a naughty misfit. Misunderstood, craving attention and just dying to be center-stage. And that’s okay. We all need our moments in the sun.

So, I find healthier ways for my misfits to express themselves. Meditation has been a godsend, and although I started the daily practice in my late teens – it wasn’t until I started addressing my addictions that meditation proved nothing short of miraculous.

Seeing the world through symbolic eyes has been a catalyst for stability too. It’s clear the unnatural obsession for escapism is at the core of my addictions. Delving into the magic and wonder of symbolism feeds that need for shifty perspectives quite nicely.

And something else….you’ll notice I haven’t nay-sayed or cast ugly dispersions on my alcoholism/addiction. That’s because it’s not an enemy. I cringe at terms like: “battling” addiction, or “fighting” alcoholism. If there’s anything my needy-needs have taught me – it’s that fighting these urges is futile.

Looking over this post, I realize it might not be all that helpful, and it’s fairly stark of solutions for those of you looking for them in dealing with your own personal challenges.

Nevertheless, I’m publishing the post. Maybe it can serve as a reminder that there ARE solutions (even if unorthodox). Maybe this post can serve as encouragement that if I can maneuver my inner misfits – you can too.

If nothing else, I’m grateful to be able to share this tiny bit of my journey with you. Sharing our milestones is something that makes us wonderfully human, and I’m deeply thankful to be able to indulge this moment – my six-year anniversary of sobriety with you. Thanks for reading!

Other dark confessions:

Symbolic Mountain of Sobriety

Symbolic Stories About the Self

Why Symbolism?

Posted in Misc. Symbolic Meanings, Personal Observations, Symbolic Tips, Symbolism - All | 4 Responses »
Tags: addiction, addictions, alcoholism, consciousness, human potential, meditation, sober, sobriety, symbolism

Melting Glass Walls – An Excerpt from Pronoia

Written by avenefica on August 18th, 2010

The following is an excerpt from Rob Brezny’s book, Pronoia (a book I highly recommend, by the way). This excerpt was written by Nia Fil, and it moved me for its sincerity and simplicity. I asked Rob Brezny of Free Will Astrology if I could re-publish this excerpt here, and he graciously granted permission. I hope you enjoy this enlightening slice of perception as much as I did.

Frosted Glass - Melting Glass Walls of Separation

MY PRONOIAC TESTIMONY
by Nil Fia

I’ve always felt there was a glass wall between me and the world — a see-
through barrier that kept me in my place and everything else in its place,
never the twain shall meet.

But a week ago, as I was driving through the streets of my home city of
Detroit, something odd happened. I seemed to reach out an inner finger
and touch the inside of that glass wall I gaze through. And for the first
time ever, my finger sunk into the glass, just a bit.

A little while later, I did it again, and this time my finger went right
through the glass. Or rather, maybe, the glass was not there, at least
momentarily. There was no longer any boundary between what I saw and
where I was seeing it from.

In other words, the whole world was inside my head. Either that, or my
head had just dissolved.

Let me backtrack. A few months ago, I hated my job. I despaired that my
hobby would ever amount to anything. There was never enough time, and
whatever time there was, I spent it trying to get done all the things I
hated doing but had to do. And then I failed at the whole enterprise, and
not only didn’t I have time to do anything I liked, but I wasn’t getting
anywhere with the stuff I didn’t like, either.

Life was one big miserable chore that never ended. It just bled from day
to day, sucking the vitality out of everything. Even weekends. This in
spite of the fact that I’ve never considered myself a miserable person. I
always thought that being annoyed 24/7 and never having time to be
happy was part of being an adult, and I tried to handle it bravely.

But then on that day last week, I put my hand through the glass — I still
don’t know how — and suddenly the way the morning sunlight lay on the
overpass during my way to work cracked a big smile on my face, and the
whole miserable commute seemed worth it.

The next day, I spent a chunk of the ride to work looking at the trees, and
being thrilled that so much amazing greenery, so many unreproducible
shapes and colors, could fit in my head at once. What used to be “just
another tree” was now an utterly unique thing that I would never have the
gift of having in my head again.

This new knack didn’t go away. It started creeping into other daily
moments. I’m still moving in and out of it now, many days later.
It’s not that stupid things make me happy; it’s that everything makes me
happy. Taking a breath makes me happy. Hearing a human voice makes
me happy. Feeling my hand rise up against gravity and sweep through the
air on its own makes me happy. Yesterday this state — which I like to call
“bliss fugue” — came on after I whacked my knee on the table. The pain
made me happy! Happier than maybe I’ve ever been!

Here’s the weirdest thing about the happiness: It seems completely
uncaused. Not only do my flashes seem to exist in a vacuum. I would
swear the feeling seems to be a characteristic of the vacuum. The
vacuum I refer to, of course, is the sucking of myself and the world into
each other that happens whenever I penetrate that glass wall between us.

I’m truly content folding laundry. I happily concentrate on every spot on
my dishes. Not all the time, but more and more. And it seems the more
stuff gets through the glass wall — the more the world becomes
immersed in me and I in it — the less time everything takes, and the more
I enjoy the “free time,” 10 seconds of which suddenly seem like enough
to justify having been alive all these years.

This is one of those “I might be doing something right, or I might be
losing my mind” things, but I’ve done those before; so I’m cool with it.
But I will mention one side-effect: mild fear. Not during the state itself –
I’m not sure it’d be possible to feel afraid then, though I haven’t had
occasion to test that — but afterward, as I connect to the realization that
something is happening to me that might really muck around with my
ordinary old life. (Did I say above that I was miserable with my daily life?
Well, that doesn’t mean I’m not attached to it.)

Already once or twice I’ve done this thing and had people notice, and
their reaction is always alarm or distaste: “Hel-LO? Are you OK? What are
you staring at? Is something wrong?” So far, this has always snapped me
right out of it. I don’t know how I’d react to people if this state continues
to happen more frequently and for longer periods, and I get stuck dealing
with people from within it. (Would I then be talking to the voices in my
head, I wonder?)

I’ve also noticed that when the bliss fugue hits me, tears sometimes come
out of my eyes due to the weirdest things: the smell of the wind, a bird
that stops and looks at me, a shoelace lying on the sidewalk. I can’t
explain that. I’m not normally an emotional person, especially not in
public.

Well, there you go. Something for your Outlaw Catalog of Happiness: the
Joy of Nothing. ;) I’m going for a walk now, and see if I can do it again.

Note: This is an excerpt written by Nia Fil from Rob Brezny’s book, Pronoia (click the link to grab the book, which is totally grab-worthy). And if you don’t know who Rob Brezny is, you should. Check out his wicked-awesome-jump-jivin-vibe here: FreeWill Astrology

Posted in Misc. Symbolic Meanings, Personal Observations, Reviews, Symbolic Tips, Symbolism - All | 4 Responses »
Tags: awareness, consciousness, happiness, human potential, mindfulness, perception, personal development, pronoia, rob brezny, self-awareness, self-improvement, self-realization, simplicity

Responsibility and Symbolic Interpretations

Written by avenefica on August 3rd, 2010

Personal Views on the Responsibility of Symbolic Interpretations

I’ve been offering perspectives into deeper symbolism for years. Understandably, I’m constantly called upon to provide symbolic interpretations and personal consultations. Although I do answer as many emails as I can (mostly referring inquirers back to the 1000+ online pages I’ve already written) about varying forms of symbolism…I feel a nagging discomfort with it.

This baffles a lot of my friends and colleagues. They ask: “Why don’t you offer a symbolic consultation service? You could help so many people. You could make a great income and profession from it!”

That’s true. Except…I have major moral conflicts about a) charging for interpretations and b) having the weight of this responsibility on my shoulders.

In a previous life (this life, but seemingly so long ago it feels like a different life), I served in the medical field. At that time, I was a witness to new lives being born. Conversely, I was witness to lives transitioning into so-called “death” too. Each moment in my medical career proved overwhelmingly crucial and stood as a reminder of the responsibility involved with the process of healing the human condition – physical and spiritual. I know those of you in the healing profession can relate 100%.

Some may argue that offering symbolic interpretations is not a life-or-death business. I dunno about that. I’m not so sure human energy differentiates between physical and non-physical. We’re all an amalgamation of varying forces, entangled and interconnected.

Perhaps one day I’ll evolve into a state of being that allows me to offer personalized readings, but for now my perspective is deeply planted in the contrary.

Why?

Because I’m not convinced it’s my responsibility to tell folks what a symbolic phenomenon means to them, or what kind of message it holds. I always figured this is the responsibility of the one encountering the phenomenon…not me.

So, I continue to offer personal observations online about symbolic meanings. But these are only my perspectives.

The real key to lasting soul-evolution is deciphering symbolism for ourselves – to our own personal satisfaction. Of course, there are situations in which an outside view is required. But the majority of the work in understanding ourselves, our lives, our collective consciousness is up to each of us. That’s why I’m forever touting the value of personal responsibility in interpreting symbolic events.

Furthermore, our awareness would not be drawn to a symbolic event if we ourselves were not equipped to interpret it. It may take an investment in time, meditation, awareness, focus, research, patience, etc., etc….but I’m resolute in the knowing that every symbolic episode is unique to each of us. Likewise, the meanings are unique and therefore the interpretations require personal reflection first and foremost.

Trust in the process. Trust in your own ability to make sense of the deeper meanings that are inherent to life. That’s what living a symbolic life is all about.

Be determined in mining for meanings in your own inner caverns of knowing. You will reap gold eventually, and that’s a promise.

Posted in Misc. Symbolic Meanings, Personal Observations, Symbolic Tips, Symbolism - All | 8 Responses »
Tags: awareness, consciousness, human potential, interpretations, personal responsibility, readings, responsibility, spirituality, symbolic interpretation, symbolic meanings, symbolic phenomenon, symbolism

You Are Not Alone

Written by avenefica on July 29th, 2010

HandPrintOfAwareness

“You are not alone.”

Some of us know this instinctively. We feel the presence of supporters – as close to us as our skins, as intimate as the inhalation of air.

Whether we call them gods, goddesses, angels, higher selves, animal guides…by whatever name – we are aware of intangible energy buoying us with assurance and support.

However, others of us feel a ring of isolation, preventing us from feeling that consistent presence of energetic support. Some of us incorporate techniques, rituals or healing habits in order to gain etheric unity for the purpose of becoming saturated by the varied presences of the divine.

I was philosophizing on this with a friend of mine. We discussed varying reasons why some people - even if they’re locked in a box on some remote island – will tell you they are never alone. Why can some people feel the presence of supportive energy no matter how removed they may be from everything? Conversly, why do other people feel completely remote, and unable to grasp the presence of divine help, healing and guidance within their midst?

Those who find themselves feeling hermetically sealed in a vacuum of solitary confinement may wonder what the trick is to ripping off the lid and encountering divine accompaniment. How to feel the buoying presence of profound support on a daily (or even moment-to-moment) basis?

Pulling ourselves from the attic of our minds helps. Walk “downstairs” into the body.

That means making connections with movement, breathing, heartbeat. It means listening to our own blood as if it were an exotic music. And if it is music, then we must acknowledge a composer, a conductor and a collaborative orchestra rendering that specialized music from within.

Each cell within the body represents an individual life. We forget the billions of individual consciousness’s residing within ourselves because they function so elegantly as a whole.

To be sure, the body is a multiverse and tapping into that diversity of consciousness is a vital step to feeling less of a stranger in a strange land.

One of the most (deceptively) simple ways I’ve found to dissuade the mind of its separation is to draw attention to the wilderness within the body.

Try it some time. If you’re feeling that ring of isolation squeezing the joy from you, and you’re seeking divine connection and communion – try a dreamtime ride within the subway system of your arteries. Listen to your aortic tympani. Start a discussion with your intestinal bacteria (don’t laugh! They can be stimulating conversationalists!).

My point is this: Indeed, we are inseparable from all manner of divine energy whose presence and purpose is to accompany each of us on our life-journey. Being alone is an impossibility.

Nevertheless, some of us feel the austerity of seclusion more often than divine companionship. So, if that’s the case with you, I’m suggesting a move out of the mind and into the body. It’s an effective first step to becoming intimate with the reality of inclusion and consistent support.

Posted in Misc. Symbolic Meanings, Personal Observations, Symbolic Tips, Symbolism - All | 7 Responses »
Tags: alone, angels, awareness, communion, companionship, consciousness, deity, divine, divinity, guidance, isolation, lonely, meditation, presence, spirituality

Seeds as a Symbol of Consciousness

Written by avenefica on July 20th, 2010

Seeds - A Symbol of Consciousness?

Last night, in the dreamtime, symbolic seeds were sown into the meaty furrows of my brain. Their manifested identities known only to my deeper consciousness. It was a fabulous sensation. The grey matter of my mind seemed willing, pliable and moistly awaiting the first touch of root to mental-membrane.

A good dream. An oracle of potential growth. A sign of depositing new ideas into old rows with the hope and promise of a bumper crop of…of what? Creativity? Productivity? New kinds of nourishment? Food for a hungry mind? New neuro-network patterns?

Who knows. Dream-walking advances at a far different pace than common ambulation. That means, I’ll have to walk calmly between multiple time-lines to see the cycles of growth these dream seeds represent.

But in the meantime, while I’m weeding, feeding and cerebrating over these dream seeds, I thought I’d sow a few symbolic thoughts on seeds as a symbol of consciousness.

Traditional symbolic meaning of seeds include:

Potential
Trust
Hope
Nourishment
Sacred
Earthiness
Initiation
Reproduction
Cycles
Time
Provision

Several years ago, while dining with a colleague, he asked: “What’s the symbol for consciousness?”

In response, I pulled out a pen and drew a single dot on a paper cocktail napkin.

“That’s it?” He asked.

“Yep, that’s it.” I said, “The dot represents a single point of awareness. It is, essentially, a seed. It is the point of pure potential. This present moment of focused consciousness gives no clue as to which side of the polarity it leans. There is no gender, no higher or lower, no light or dark. It simply is.”

My colleague protested: “But isn’t consciousness expansive? Pervasive? Everywhere at all times? This dot, or seed suggests limitation, and that’s not how I see consciousness.”

I loved this observation, and after pausing a moment to let his implications sink in, I responded:

”Yes, I agree with your model of consciousness. However, I chose this dot to represent a seed as a symbol of consciousness because it is the point of initiation. Awareness must be initiated. And the concept of initiation is inherent to the ancient symbolism of seeds. So, it’s the idea of initiation…specifically, initiating the potential that is powerfully packed in a small unit (a dot, a seed) that I’m emphasizing here.”

I was reminded of this conversation when I woke from my seed dream.

Those crazy brain seeds! That tiny dot drawn on a cocktail napkin. A single unit of initial potential!

These images made me want to become that dot…to become a seed and

Auger a sense of stillness in the midst of daily bustling.
Be as a seed is: Patient, Potent, Packed with potential.
Be silent, rest in a damp darkness, suspended.
To “just know,” and own remarkable wisdom without the necessity to prove it.
Submerge in resolute assurance that transition, growth and ascension is inevitable.

Just thoughts. Thanks for growing along with me..

Other symbolic seeds for your consideration:

Nature Symbolism

EcoIntuition

Dream Meanings

Six Simple Steps to Interpreting Dreams

Posted in Dream Symbolism, Misc. Symbolic Meanings, Nature Symbolism, Personal Observations, Symbolic Tips, Symbolism - All | 8 Responses »
Tags: awareness, consciousness, dream interpretation, dream meaning, dreams, ecointuition, focus, intuition, nature, observation, seed, seeds, self-awareness, symbolism

Skinning Life

Written by avenefica on June 30th, 2010

SymbolicSnakePoem

Had she known from
the Beginning that
Life is like a
Snake…

Turning and twisting
through the years of
Life…

Shedding its skin,
just as we all shed
extraneous layers….eventually.

Had she known
both Life and Serpent are
synonymously elusive,
equally cryptic.

Had she known all this,
perhaps
she would not have been constricted and consumed in the coils of Life.

But rather,
she would have
snatched the serpent firmly,

by the jaw -

twisted hard -

commenced skinning it with infinite care,

crafted a fine pair of
snakeskin boots…

And then gone square-dancing in them.

—

In memoriam for Miranda 11/11/72 – 5/03/10.
May your next life find you unconstricted and kicking up your heels. ;)

Snake Symbolism

Snake Totems

Uroboros Symbolism

Posted in Nature Symbolism, Reptile Totems, Symbolism - All, poetry | 2 Responses »
Tags: memorial, poetry, reincarnation, snakes, symbolism

Symbolic Meaning of Beetles

Written by avenefica on June 27th, 2010

Symbolic Meaning of Beetles

I received an inquiry about the symbolic meaning of beetles.

Realizing I haven’t written much on beetles, I thought I’d share my insights here.

Suggested symbolic meaning of beetles (at-a-glance):

Progress
Simplicity
Persistence
Stability
Methodical
Contemplative
Practical
Grounded
Potential
Security
Introverted
Protection
Solidarity

Beetles speak to us of groundedness. They move with bellies always close to the earth, and so their wisdom is sacred and deep. They are connected to the core of earth, and so they are rooted in their knowledge about the way of life and nature.

Beetles also talk to us about steady, gradual progress. Observing them, they do nothing without pragmatic, methodical movement.

Beetles impart messages such as:

“Get to the root of your desire”
“Be practical in your expectations of progress”
“Find stability in simplicity”
“Anchor yourself in honest, true, natural ways”

Beetles also remind us of the simple things in life, and point our attention to the magic in the small. A friend of mine, Kim Gould at www.loveyourdesign.com says this: “allow yourself to be tamed by the small and gentle.” Beetles can tame us because of their simple, unassuming presence.

The symbolic meaning of beetles also offers protection. Their own hard shells do more than just convey glimmery beauty. They protect. And so, the beetle (in countless cultures, particularly Asian) is considered a symbol of protection too.

The colors of your beetles will also offer meaningful messages.

For example, greens talk to me about the heart chakra which is the center for healing, love and compassion. Blue hearkens to the throat chakra which encourages creative expression and vocalizing our real truth…our genuine truth…I’m not talking about speaking a false-truth like “I am sick” I’m talking about the real truth that recognizes inherent health & well-being indwelling the body/soul at all times.

Beetles also reminded me of the Egyptian scarabs which are all about building our best, most incredible opportunities from the poop around us. :)

Other areas of interest:

Insect Totems and Insect Symbolism

Symbolism in Nature

Posted in Insect Totems, Misc. Symbolic Meanings, Nature Symbolism, Personal Observations, Symbolic Tips, Symbolism - All | 3 Responses »
Tags: beetle, insect, meaning, nature, scarab, symbolic meaning, symbolism