Thoughts About How To Deal With Judgment, Jerks and Find Justice Through It All
Let’s face it. We all have jerks in our lives. Those folks who get under our skin and irritate the bejeebers out of us. And that’s okay. This world would be one dimensional if we all had daisy-picking-happy-go-lucky people in our lives. It takes the cantankerous among us to bring out authentic understanding in our perception.
So what do we do with these people? In truth, I don’t know. That’s why I’m struggling writing this post. I want to make a point; I have something valuable to share, but I’m not sure how to present this value.
I guess this post boils down to a quote I was left with after watching that Steve Jobs movie. At the end of the movie, Jobs and his daughter had a meeting of the minds. She asked him why her own father was so distant with her. Jobs responded with the most elegant and simple response. He said: “I’m poorly made.” That left me speechless. That statement also made me think.
There is something justifying and uplifting about coming clean about being ‘poorly made’ to someone you know you’ve damaged. If you’ve not been on either side of this argument, then this post isn’t going to make any sense. But, if perchance you have been in this situation, please read on.
Admitting we are flawed to someone we have hurt is cathartic. It is cleansing and healing for both ourselves and the damaged party. It mends fences, and creates a new bridge that aids in bringing hearts back together.
I know I’ve been a jerk. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is admit it. And I’m not talking about the occasional ‘I messed up’ kinda jerk. I’m talking about being fundamentally damaged to the point when in certain situations I can be a raging jackass.
As a result, there have been a few times when I’ve had to do some major soul searching. And yeah, I’ve made a few humble pies, and presented them to folks I’ve hurt. While doing so, I’ve made the same simple statement Jobs did in that movie. I’ve clearly seen how impaired I am, and all I can say is: “I’m sorry, but I’m broken.”
The people who respond by saying: “I know. It’s okay. I love you anyway.” Those are angels in my life. Those moments are the biggest gift life has ever given me.
On the flip side, when confessing that I’m just screwed up in some ways and the response is aggression or derision – well, I just chalk it up to those other folks going through their own life lessons.
Judgment walks in on this post when it comes to how we treat others, and how they treat us back. For inexplicable reasons, when I’ve been forgiven for admitting I’m a jerk and there is a complete absence of judgment..those are the most blessed moments. But there are other times when I know without a doubt I am being judged, and I’m NOT being a jerk – I’m just being me, and being poorly judged for who I am.
I pride myself on being the least judgmental person on this planet. But lately, I’m not sure that’s realistic. We all judge others. It’s just human nature. I think the difference is some of us love others anyway, and could care less what they do (with the exception of others hurting other people or animals).
So what do we do with the jerks in our lives? I think it’s a guarantee we’re going to judge them on some level. I think that’s healthy – it helps us figure out where that jerk is coming from, and understand why they are behaving as they are.
The jerks who come to us with a pleading, simple statement that says: “I’m sorry. I’m poorly built.” I think these people need all the love they can get. To other people who are jerks, and they refuse to address the issue – well….I really don’t know what to say about that. Some jerks won’t budge. Some jerks don’t even know they are jerks!
I guess the best advice I have for this sticky wicket is this: Judge lightly. Love largely. Admit openly if you have truly done wrong to another. Forgive and forget when a jerk comes to you and confesses his or her flaws and apologizes for hurting you.
All this may seem very simple. Or maybe it doesn’t. Some of these things seem very complicated to me. So that’s why I wrote this post. Maybe it offers perspective. Or maybe it’s confusing. Either way, I hope it makes you think about how we affect the people around us.
As always, thanks for reading,