Avia shares thoughts on sobriety
Today marks my sixth year of sobriety.
It’s rare for me to divulge intensely private details, but something Dr. Jonathan Ellerby said on one of his videos prompted me to share.
He mentioned that while on his metaphysical path, he wished some of the spiritual guru’s of the day would have spoken out more about the hard-core challenges they’d endured in life and how they moved through these experiences.
I agree, and although this post may not offer the most clarifying solutions – it may provide something of a catharsis.
Like everybody else in this world, I’m no greenhorn to the dusty challenges kicked up in life’s rodeo, and I’m certainly not the only one to wrangle addiction.
It would be nice to say alcoholism is the only snafu with which I’ve had to contend. Nope. I’m an overachiever – especially concerning addictions. There’s a whole laundry list….including chain-smoking, a particularly nasty drug habit and an overindulgent love for food that manifested into a 258 pound weight gain (if you don’t believe me, I’ve got before and after pics here).
So what’s my take on dealing with addictions? How can we counteract self-destructive behavior?
Regrettably, I don’t really have the greatest answers to those questions. This year was unbelievably brutal in my 6 year run at sobriety. I lost my mother-in-law, a dear mentor, and a very good friend in the span of 3 months this year. It’s been crippling, and the need for escape has been overwhelming at times.
Truthfully, I haven’t picked up a drink because I’m petrified- scared poopless – that once I open that can of worms, there’s no undoing the squirmy consequences. That same fear drives my abstinence from all the other addictions too (ok, so I might have an occassional cigarette…hey, nobody’s perfect). I suppose that’s what the coined term “healthy fear” is all about.
But I can share a more practical solution – at least for me: The realm of symbolism has been a real life-saver.
Where reflecting on my motivations and past history has failed to give adequate reasons for my compulsions – symbolism has answered in spades.
Thankfully, I’ve always been a symbolic-junkie first, and reverting back to that foundation has proven to be a counter-balance to other junkie-fiendy tendencies.
In fact, I think addictions are symbolic. They represent a sense of feeling incomplete, and a need to escape that sense of vacancy. Symbolism has helped me view my addictions as symbolic personalities…archetypes, if you will.
So, my compulsions take on character traits….similar to how Colette Baron-Reid likens grabby aspects of our darker selves as “The Goblin.” Although, this imagery didn’t really work for me – I happen to love goblins.
Rather, my alcoholism is more like a naughty misfit. Misunderstood, craving attention and just dying to be center-stage. And that’s okay. We all need our moments in the sun.
So, I find healthier ways for my misfits to express themselves. Meditation has been a godsend, and although I started the daily practice in my late teens – it wasn’t until I started addressing my addictions that meditation proved nothing short of miraculous.
Seeing the world through symbolic eyes has been a catalyst for stability too. It’s clear the unnatural obsession for escapism is at the core of my addictions. Delving into the magic and wonder of symbolism feeds that need for shifty perspectives quite nicely.
And something else….you’ll notice I haven’t nay-sayed or cast ugly dispersions on my alcoholism/addiction. That’s because it’s not an enemy. I cringe at terms like: “battling” addiction, or “fighting” alcoholism. If there’s anything my needy-needs have taught me – it’s that fighting these urges is futile.
Looking over this post, I realize it might not be all that helpful, and it’s fairly stark of solutions for those of you looking for them in dealing with your own personal challenges.
Nevertheless, I’m publishing the post. Maybe it can serve as a reminder that there ARE solutions (even if unorthodox). Maybe this post can serve as encouragement that if I can maneuver my inner misfits – you can too.
If nothing else, I’m grateful to be able to share this tiny bit of my journey with you. Sharing our milestones is something that makes us wonderfully human, and I’m deeply thankful to be able to indulge this moment – my six-year anniversary of sobriety with you. Thanks for reading!
Other dark confessions:
Symbolic Stories About the Self
